Why Restorative Practices Begin with the Adults

By Audrey Lappe

When discussing restorative practice we often talk about students taking responsibility, resolving conflict, and repairing harm, but the truth is restorative practices only work when adults lead by example first. If we want schools to be spaces where students feel safe, connected, and accountable, we must first build that same culture among the adults. 

Why Adult Training Comes First

Restorative work isn’t a script, it’s a mindset shift from how we were taught to manage behavior. That’s why it’s essential for adults to adopt a restorative culture first.

• We can't model what we haven't experienced. If staff haven’t been part of restorative conversations, it’s hard to facilitate one with students.

  
  

• Consistency matters. When all staff understand and use common language and expectations, students experience a more stable, supportive environment.

  
  

• How we treat each other becomes the culture. Restorative schools don’t just change how we talk to students, they transform how adults collaborate, problem-solve, and repair harm with the entire community.

What Adult-Focused Restorative Training Looks Like

Building restorative capacity in staff isn’t just about content, it’s about creating safe spaces for growth and reflection.

Effective training includes:

1. Modeling Restorative Practices with Staff

• Start meetings with connecting community circles

• Use community circles to address team challenges and celebrate wins

  
  

2. Restorative Language and Mindsets

• Use language that de-escalates and invites reflection

• Practice the restorative questions ourselves, especially when conflicts arise within the team

  
  

3. Unpacking Bias and Emotional Triggers

• Explore how our own experiences shape our reactions to student behavior

• Normalize the idea that adults are also still learning

  
  

4. Coaching, Not Just Training

• Use classroom walkthroughs to highlight restorative moments in action

• Offer space for staff to process challenges, ask questions, and grow together

Real Impact Begins with Adult Relationships

When adults in a school trust each other, communicate honestly, and repair harm when needed, it sets the tone for every interaction with students. Students watch how we respond when someone messes up. They notice whether we value voice, dignity, and restoration or not. Students are always attuning to our interactions. By building a restorative staff culture, we lay the groundwork for better student outcomes, stronger staff retention, and a safer more compassionate school climate.

Getting Started: Small Moves That Matter

You don’t need a full initiative to begin building a restorative foundation among staff. Try:

• Opening your next staff meeting with a connecting circle prompt like, “What’s something you appreciated this week?”

• Using restorative questions after a conflict among team members

• Offering short PD on the why behind restorative work, not just the how

Wrap-up

Restorative practices are about more than discipline, they’re about who we are and how we lead. When we start with adults, we build the culture our students need to grow, belong, and succeed. Because when we model accountability, empathy, and connection, we give students permission and tools to do the same.

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